WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
