she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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