There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
