I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
