Define "chronic" masturbator.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
