Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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