He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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