I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
