you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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