Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
