Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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