Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
