1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
