they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
