I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
