Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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