Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
