Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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