smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
