i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
