If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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