Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
