i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
