Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
