Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
