he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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