I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
