And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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