The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
