the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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