That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize