What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
