I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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