now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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