Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize