i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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