Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
