Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
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