I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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