im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
