3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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