This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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