So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can I color on your dick again?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
