Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
