god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
