guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Help. Why am I so naked?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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