I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
