you mean i was at the winter classic?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
