is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
