You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
