Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
