Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
