matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
