Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
