I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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