last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
