Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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