All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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