Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you mean i was at the winter classic?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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