I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
