I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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