We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
