do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
