**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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