You can't motorboat a personality
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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